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"The Heart & Soul"

Dooley is the go-to-guy. What matters to him most in life are Friday Beers. That's his Super Bowl. Dooley's energy and happiness are contagious. Fun finds him. Instead of therapy, just go hang with Dooley for an hour. To quote Sara Lee, everybody doesn't like something, but nobody doesn't like Dooley

Fringe Guy

"The hanger On"

Sorta in the crew, sorta not. Will he get the bachelor party invite? Maybe. Inner circle golf trip? Not unless five other guys can't make it. Recently he's had a couple good outings, but he's still not ready to be invited to the group chat. Ready to go at a moment's notice, Fringe is always playing for his job


"The Style Icon"

He'll kill you if you mention it, but Fits wore Vineyard Vines all through high school. Now, he's the definition of a Hype Beast, buying clothes from various merch drops at least once a week. He has a Google Alert set for "Jonah Hill Paparazzi Photos" and wore an Adidas tracksuit to his sister's wedding.

In his words, this guy's "seen it all" and "sucked down a lot of it back in the day". When you ask "a lot of what?", he can't really specify, but he'll stress that you wouldn't have been able to survive the ACDC/Guns N Roses Tour in 86. These days, he's like a prized racehorse: he's got one sprint in him, and then it's bed by 9:45.


"The Mass"

The Big Fella once drank 34 Keystone Lights in an hour. A solid D3 left tackle, he turned down D1 offers so he could party more. Physical stature only matched by the size of his heart, he can be an enforcer if needed, but is usually a gentle giant.


"The Tar Chaser"

One beer in, and Jessie's already planning her first dart. She's bummed a cig in 22 languages and only smokes Parliament Lights (except when she doesn't). Don't bring your Juul around her.


"The Veteran"

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"The Wild Card"

On a trip to the beach last summer, Wild Card woke up in a bush with one shoe on. He's used the sidewalk curb as a pillow on countless occasions, claiming it's more comfortable than his bed. He's skinny, but he's also fat. He's stupid, but he's also smart. He's really good at golf, but he can't putt. He's the most easily convinced man in the world, and he's capable of anything.



"The Pace Setter"

He's watched Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket a combined 87 times and approaches a night out with military-like discipline. From the moment suckdown commences, he knows exactly how many drinks everyone's had, barking out orders like "you want a nipple for that thing?" if you're lagging. Don't even think about not finishing your beer. No wounded soldiers get left behind on the Sergeant's watch.


"The Mediator"

Every group has drama. Glue Guy makes sure no bridge ever gets burned. He's the ideal locker room guy. It always feels like he's on your side, when he's really on everyone's side. He once convinced the Big Fella to drop the charges against Fringe Guy for keying his Jeep Patriot after consecutive pong losses.


"The AUX Master"

He calls front seat in the Uber every time, and for good reason. He prides himself on his knowledge of the tastiest of licks, effortlessly gauging moods and switching between genres with a surgeon's precision. Ever since he "played" his fraternity's spring party his senior year, he's considered himself a DJ. Except he doesn't know how to use any equipment other than an iPhone.

Late night specialist

"The Nightcrawler"

His prime hours of operation are 2-7 am. He prefers the afterparty to the party and is known for his deviousness and deep knowledge of obscure YouTube clips. The words "last call" mean nothing to him.


"The Pipe Dream"

Ill Babe is the perfect girl. She's so ill and such a babe. You thought you had a shot with her after a dance floor makeout at the Avicii Pier 94 NYE concert sophomore year. But two weeks later she was dating Kygo's road manager. Now every Instagram she posts on a yacht is a haunting reminder of how much you suck. You blew it with Ill Babe and the fellas will never let you forget it.


"The Heart & Soul"

When Chill Guy walks into the pre-game, the world stops turning. A night out with him is like a lunar eclipse. Nobody really knows much about him... like what he does or where he lives. All we know is that he's devilishly handsome, impossibly charming, and way too chill for us. Dooley is his go-between, the only guy who texts him and is capable of luring Chill Guy out.


"The Sparkplug"

Nitrous oxide in human form. If you're on the fence about going out on any given night, a text from the Rally Queen will bring you back to life like you just got defibrillated. She's always the first one on the dance floor and usually the last one to be dragged off. She brings the energy, regardless of the situation.


"The Professor of Parlays"

Dr. Locks approaches constructing a 6-team teaser with a surgeon's precision. He is a self-appointed medical professional when it comes to gambling, and is absolutely certain of his diagnoses/picks, even though he is constantly behind on his rent and in debt to his German bookie, Lars. Locks frequently has so much action on a given night he loses track of which outcomes he is rooting for.